Ugh—I woke up and washed my hair and got ALL my make-up on and then it hit me that I really was going back to WORK and leaving my baby! Then the tears started flowing…I finished getting dressed and woke P up to feed her…I cried the whole time I was feeding her and tried to talk to her through my tears telling her that I loved her, that she was just going to school for a few hours, that I WOULD be back to get her as soon as I could, etc…… :)
I burped her good and laid her back down to get a few more things ready (she is a spitter so I didn’t want to get her dressed just yet)….I got our 5 million bags (literally) packed and made a trip to the car to get them loaded in the DARK—ugh it was still pitch black at 6:30 am. We needed to be out the door by 6:50 so I went back in and got her dressed, set her back down, then made one more quick trip around the house to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything. When I went back to get her she had already blown out her diaper—ugh! Ruined her cute 1st day of school outfit. Back to her room we went to change her into plan B.
We made it out the door in one piece and I cried all the way to her school. When we got there I did not want to get her out. She was sleeping (which made it worse because I just wanted to talk to her and see her smile at me—I also didn’t want to leave her sleeping and then she wakes up with strangers and Mommy is not there-that bothered me the most!) UGH! I just wish I was rich and could stay home and raise her everyday!
I didn’t want to hand her over but eventually had to with tears and all. She is so cuddly in the mornings & oh so SMILEY but I had to eventually get to work. Well I was late on my first day back (and mind you I have NEVER been late to work and this is my fifth year teaching—I am usually one of the first to get there). It did not even matter though my heart was broke and I wanted to go back and get her and go home so bad.
Well I work with an amazing group of ladies and they knew this would be a HARD day and I was met with a table full of breakfast items outside my door when I walked in bawling…they all came to my room hugging me, with gifts, etc. telling me it would be hard but I would make it. They had arranged to keep my kids all day and teach them so I could focus on getting my room back in order—after being out for 6 ½ weeks it was a WRECK and so not how I keep it! They wanted to give me a day to recompose myself and get situated in my room so I would not be stressed and could go home at the end of the day and enjoy my baby girl! They even sent a card to me in the middle of the afternoon-they are wonderful!
I cried most ALL day—everytime someone would talk to me I would start up again—man I missed that little girl! I did call 3 different times and check on her and each time the director went and gave me a play by play of where she was, what she was doing (sleeping in swing, sucking on paci, fists by her face, etc.) She seemed to have a good day-no doubt she wouldn’t-it was Mommy that was having such a hard time!
Boy was I glad to go get her as soon as I could after school! We went home for some snuggle time! We had a great evening, but it all started again the next morning!
I still don’t like to leave her and I try to snuggle with her as much as I can in the mornings. I know the teachers don’t appreciate it, but even if she is sleeping I like to take her out of her car seat and love on her before I hand her over in the a.m. The days have gotten easier as I am so busy I can’t think about much, but boy am I glad to get out and get her at the end of each day!
My big girl ready for school.
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